I was (re-)watching Bones recently and it has brought to my mind one thing. Not that it is disgusting, how can you watch that as my mother would probably say in response to some parts of the episodes… but a very specific life thing. This episode that prompted my thoughts in particular occurred in Series 11. Episode 18 (The Movie in the Making). This made me think about my life. The characters are asked “what do you want to be when you grow up?”.
This hit me. I don’t know. We are asked this a thousand times as children, it isn’t a tough question. I am now an adult, an adult who is working towards a goal in my work life. And yet I don’t know how I feel about that goal anymore because of the impact it is having here, there and everywhere in my life. I have very few places where I can air such thoughts so you my dear readers get to see this. How lucky are you? However, to be kind to you all this isn’t going to be wholly a “what the heck am I doing with my life” and “I am struggling with my job because” post. Oh no, I have other ideas. I’m going back to that question, what would I want to be?
In fact, what video game job would I want to have? Perhaps, even what would these job listings look like?
Job 1
Now I could be a NPC salesperson. In games they are generally unappreciated. How many times do we want them to just hurry up and tell us what items/weapons/miscellaneous goods that they have for sale? Or is that just me? Then there are the locations where they work. Not always the safest places. I mean the Citadel in the Mass Effect series, how safe was that really? It got destroyed. Not even just the once. But then I could be the Commanders favourite shop on the Citadel so maybe having a shop there would have it’s perks.
Looking for: A person with a good sales technique, likely to be ignored so you need a thick skin and a loud voice. Relocation costs are negotiable. Don’t blame us if you end up in the middle of a disaster zone but we don’t expect that to happen that too often (don’t hold us to that point and we accept no liability if you are in a disaster zone). Seriously be determined and talk to the main character.
Job 2
Then I could have a be an engineer/general handy(wo)man and fixer of all things.
Looking for: Person who can fix any ship/car/vehicle and have it completed yesterday. The clients will have no patience and complain that the fate of humanity rests on their shoulders. Listen but don’t react. Just get whatever they want you to fix fixed. And fast. Make sure you have no life outside of work because you will be asked to fix something when it doesn’t suit you, and patience may be a virtue but not necessarily one a video game character knows or appreciates.
Job 3
What about the person who has to hide all the collectibles in a game?
Looking for: An evil genius who can hide things in all sorts of areas. Must have no fears of heights, swimming/water, flying or any phobias which would limit where the collectibles could be hidden. Must be able to travel to the far reaches of the game area, willing to drive (or travel using any required form of transport) across the map and create a detailed map of where you have left anything just in case we decide to offer a map to the hero. Be reliable, we may leave a variety of collectibles so don’t lose any of them. Fast worker as everything needs to be hidden and in place before we tell the hero about the collectibles.
Job 4
I could be a Pokécenter Nurse.
Looking for: A kind, caring individual. Not afraid to work with any Pokémon of any type. Quick healer. Friendly, even if a trainer comes in at 3am or another unsociable time. Uniform provided as well as training. Relocation bonus may be negotiable as you will most likely be required to move between Pokécenter locations. Potentially even between regions. Remember to work with a smile!
What sort of job in a video game world would you want? Let me know in the comments.
Gaming Diaries 
Aha! Job 3 is just brilliant!
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Thanks!
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I would love to work in a Pokecentre or the Pokemon day care! Similarly, IRL I’d love to work for an animal rescue but unfortunately I wouldn’t be able to survive on the money they pay 😣
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I know what you mean. Pokémon day care would be a good one too. I would love to work with animals in some way but my issue would be getting too attached to the animals.
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Can I be Job 3 person’s supervisor? I would have so much fun with that one 😈
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Haha you are hired! I’m sure you would have fun with that (and it means if I got stuck on collectibles I could just ask you).
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Out of the three… I think I have to say a pokemon professor (I am a scientist that would make sense) or the person who makes the amazing healing potions, magic items to hep you win a battle, and so on that always hated NPC salesman is selling…I think that would suit me best…. I was never good at selling things, I’m not always a people person…. I don’t think working with sick or hurt animals all day would be something I would enjoy, and hiding collectibles sounds like a lot of hiking and… physical exertion….
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Yeah hiding the collectibles does sound like a lot of hiking and requiring a degree of fitness. Pokémon professor would be a good job too. Or making potions and that sort of thing.
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I really enjoyed Recettear for this exact reason – it let me live out a weird fantasy by basically becoming a gaming merchant. (The game is about running an item shop, so I was pretty much just living out a career in retail, but somehow it was fun!)
I always wanted to be the guy who nobody mentions, but who must logically exist somewhere, and that’s the feller who’s responsible for cataloguing all the loot items that exist in that world and working out how much an adventurer should be able to sell them to merchants for. Part biologist, part archaeologist, part economist, it’s a hybrid career extraordinaire!
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Now that would be quite a mix of careers. Yes that person definitely would exist somewhere in all these game worlds with the most mysterious and secretive job.
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I like to think there’s a secret order of loot cataloguers who have to pass extraordinarily difficult entrance criteria and meet every other Thursday for scones.
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This sounds amazing. Once you pass the tests and stages to become one you then get a nice meeting for scones to talk about it.
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Job 3 sounds great. Is there an opening for RPG Town Quest Giver/Manager, someone to liaise with adventuring parties and send them on endless fetch quests? Exclamation mark over the head is standard equipment
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Have you heard of the webcomic Brawl in the Family? There’s a small story arc about the Mushroom Kingdom janitor who cleans up after Mario comes through and wrecks everything – this post made me think of that.
I always thought it would be fun to be an innkeeper from a video game, mostly because of the Stock Pot Inn in Majora’s Mask. Meeting all the travelers would be cool, but if the inn is also your house then there could be some big disadvantages there. Maybe I should rethink my dream video game job…
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No I haven’t heard of that before but I’m going to check it out. Meeting all the travellers would be cool but there could definitely be disadvantages if the inn is also your house.
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job 3!! well penned.
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Thank you!
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I think I would choose rich nobleman every time. Sounds pretty nice right about now!
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